Messy Love

Hi. Today is just one of those messy days, you know? Nothing seems to be going the right way, especially not when it comes to my love life.

To recap my lovelife the last few months, it started when my ex, my best friend broke up with me back in July. Not because something was wrong with me or us, but because something happened that made it difficult for both of us to be in a relationship. It broke my heart, but I wasn't angry at him, I was more worried, because he got himself out in some messy stuff. But I realized I couldn't help him in any way, and it was better for me to just cut the contact. It was difficult, but I had to do it. Then I found myself in this new singlelife, and I must admit that it was very difficult for me. It was difficult not to have that one person there. After a few months I went on Tinder, not really expecting anything. But I ended up meeting 3 guys within 2 months, and that is really unlike me. The first one went well, I saw him a few times, he was really nice, but suddenly one day he just blocked my number. I couldn't help but to take that a bit personal, and it made me a bit hurt, but I quickly moved on. The second one just wanted a f**k, so it was one of those disaster dates I can laugh of now. The third one was really nice. We still talk. I started talking to him about a month ago, and I've met him a couple of times. Again he's really nice, but no physical is going on at all, and it confuses me a bit. He is obviously interested, but I'm not used to interested med holding back like that.

Now this is the messy part. A week ago, I ran into my ex, and we met up the next day. He is much better, almost back to normal, and so were we. We are close, and we have a strong connection, nothing can change that. And some kissing has happened.

We both know, that we cannot just through ourselves into a relationship again. We have agreed to try again, only this time, we are going super slow and we are not gonna be in a official relationship anytime soon.

I try not to get to close and build up to many expectations in this, but it's sooo difficult. And I still talk to the other guy, even though I shouldn't. My ex/current fling knows about the other guy, but I don't feel like its fair to the other guy. I just can't end it, because he's really a nice guy, and the thing with my ex could be over in a week.

I know, it's not good, it's messy. I'm confused.

I don't know if anyone will read this to the end, but am I the only one who feels this way?
If anyone else feels like love is messy, then you are definitely not alone

xx